am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
