Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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