How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she looked like the before picture.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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