covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish you could order shots online.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
