A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
