I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
