In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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