I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Don't make out with my wife yet
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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