super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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