I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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