Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
