this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
