Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
