Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
