Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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