I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
