So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
