I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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