You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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