Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
