i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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