if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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