I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
