we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
