Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
