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my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
