Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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