hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
