I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My liver just had a heart attack.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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