i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
