Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
