1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
