The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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