It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
