you win again, gameday.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
