**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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