I'm eating all of the evidence.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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