Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
