You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
