but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
this is an emotional support booty call
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
