i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
