If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
