the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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