just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
