She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
