if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
