Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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