nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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