His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
