her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
